A War Like Ours Read online

  “What happened here?” she asked, seeming unable to decide who to look at first. The glass crunched beneath her heeled sandals as she walked forward, stopping at the edge of the desk. “You’re bleeding,” she exclaimed, staring at me. “What happened? Who’s he?” She turned to stare at Josh. “What did you do to her?”

  “What did I do? She’s the bitch who got between me and my wife. She fucking punched me in the face and set these dogs on me.” He glared at the men holding him and James. “I won’t let this go. You’re all gonna pay for this shit.” As if to make his point, he rattled his body against the men.

  “I think first you need to wipe your nose, asshole.” I gestured to his bleeding, dripping nose.

  Josh’s eyes flashed with anger as he spoke to Lily. “You brought this on yourself, Lily. I’m going to make your life a living hell, you got me? A fucking living hell!”

  “Hey, don’t you fucking touch her—”

  Lily grabbed my arm, stopping me from launching myself at the bastard. I should’ve fucking punched him a few more times.

  “Enough!” Julia broke in. “This isn’t a boxing ring.” She shook her head at me before pinning Josh with her gaze. “This is a family resort. It’s no place for violence. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from threatening my employees.” She looked at the men holding him. “Please take him outside while I call the cops. And all of you, please go back to work or enjoying your day. The drama is over.”

  Josh was carried outside, kicking and screaming, by several men. One of them was the bald man who helped James with boxing.

  As people shuffled off, my eyes met James’. He stood in the corner, tucked in next to the leather couch and the wall. When did he move there? He was staring at me with an intensity that made me forget the world. Every time I looked at him, he managed to make me forget the things that made me who I was. Lonely, selfish, mean. The villain.

  Lily nudged my elbow, and I looked at her. She widened her eyes at me, trying to tell me something, but my thoughts were too fucked up to understand what. Julia cleared her throat, making me realize she was still here. My eyes whipped to her. From the looks of it, she’d been staring at me all the while I’d been staring at James.

  Great. Just…great. What was happening to me? Julia was close by, and I couldn’t stop ogling James, a man. A man. It felt like I was being pulled in two directions.

  “Care to tell me what happened? How’d you end up bleeding? In fact, both of you.” She looked at both Lily and me before turning to James. “I’m assuming Mr. Maxwell had something to do with that man’s bleeding nose.”

  “He attacked Madison,” he growled, as if he were a man who lived in a cave, wore nothing, and ate leaves. Fucking…Homo sapiens, Neanderthal, or something from a biology textbook I never paid attention to.

  “And you attacked him in return,” Julia commented.

  James remained silent, panting.

  “Thank you for helping her, Mr. Maxwell,” Julia murmured. “Madison has a way of getting into trouble.” She rounded the desk to check on my injury, caressing my face, stroking my hair, but her expression was all wrong. Her face seemed tight, hardened as she said, “Maybe that’s why I love her so much.”

  The pull I felt compelled me to look in James’ direction. The pulse on his temple jumped at Julia’s words. He was jealous. A shiver ran through my core, and I rubbed my thighs together to make it stop. Wrong move. It intensified.

  “Excuse me,” he said and walked out.

  No, don’t go. I swallowed the demand thickly.

  With a deep breath, I focused on Julia. She asked Lily to recount the story. While Lily talked, Julia dug a first aid box from one of the bottom drawers of the reception desk and tended to my injury.

  I wanted to say something to her about the staring, but I didn’t know what. Instead, I leaned forward and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you.”

  “I think this should do it,” Julia murmured, looking up and smiling, but the hardness on her face was still there. “I think I’d better call the cops. Will you be fine by yourself today?” she asked Lily.

  I didn’t give Lily a chance to answer. “I think Lily should stay with us for the night.”

  Where had that come from? No idea whatsoever. But I wanted her to be safe if only for tonight.

  I caught Julia off-guard with my offer, but she agreed. “Yes. Sure. In fact, if you girls want, you can take the rest of the day off and rest. I’ll arrange for someone to cover your shift.”

  Lily refused. “No, it’s fine. I can work. I’m feeling okay. And I don’t want to impose on you guys. I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be fine.”

  “No, no. You’ll stay with us. For my own peace of mind, or I won’t be able to sleep tonight.” Julia smiled. “I’m going to go outside and check on things.” She squeezed my shoulders and left.

  Lily looked at me with a bemused smile. “I hated geometry in school.”

  “Okay.” I had no idea what she meant by that. “Then I think it’s good that all you have to do is check people in and answer their odd questions about where to pee and where to eat.”

  She laughed. “I know. Anyway, as much as I hated geometry, I’m loving your triangle. Much more fun.”

  “What triangle?”

  “You know, you and James Dean and Julia.” She grew contemplative. “Are you into threesomes at all?”

  “Are you offering?”

  “Stop hitting on me.”

  “Stop liking it so much.”

  We narrowed our eyes at each other.

  She gave in. “Fine.”

  “Fine.”

  ****

  It was dusk, the sky the color of burnt orange. I stood at the edge of the lake with people milling about. I’d spent the day making cottage rounds and sporadically checking on Lily. She seemed fine, her usual self, telling jokes, laughing. I didn’t believe her. But if she wanted to keep the façade going, I’d let her.

  Finally, I found what I’d been looking for—James and Katie emerging from the boat that had just docked. Katie stumbled and was about to fall, but James swooped in and caught her, kissing her forehead. He swung her up, making her laugh.

  “Do it again, Daddy.”

  He did, and his own chuckle joined in with Katie’s. His rusty chortles made me wonder about his full-fledged laughter. Did he ever laugh with abandon, or did he just brood his way through life? I’d go with the latter, for obvious reasons.

  Katie’s eyes fell on me, and she wiggled out of James’ arms, skipping over.

  “Madison!” She skidded to a stop in front of me. “Did you see how Daddy punched that guy today? He looked like some kind of superhero, right?”

  James sauntered up to us, his hands inside his pockets. I smiled down at Katie. “Yup. Exactly like a big, strong superhero. Swooping in and saving people.”

  “I know,” Katie exclaimed. “It was so awesome. Remember how you told me to punch the boys if they’re mean to me? I wanted to punch that bad man, but Daddy asked me to stay put so I didn’t. But can I, next time? I’ll make it good, too. See?” She fisted her fingers with her thumb tucked in.

  I unhooked her thumb and brought it out.

  “You’re not punching anyone,” James said to Katie, patting her head. “We made a deal, remember? If there’s a problem, you’ll call me.”

  Katie stomped her foot, but then a girl about her age with blonde pigtails called her name and she ran toward her.

  James was still watching Katie when I spoke. “Thanks for the save. But I’m no damsel in distress though. I’m more like one of those crazy super-villains, you know. Like one of those insane scientists.”

  “I don’t think you have the hair for that.”

  I snorted out a laugh. “You make jokes, too. Is there anything you can’t do? Now I’m totally melting like a damsel in distress.”

  “I’ll try not to step on your puddle while I leave.”

  My lips spread into a lazy smile—lazy and taun
ting. “You’re on a roll, aren’t you? Seriously, you should stop. I might start liking you.” I bugged my eyes out. “Imagine the horror!”

  His eyes flicked over my face, something utterly sad in them, his dark circles pulsating. But I couldn’t be sure. He lowered them too soon. “I’ll be sure to remember that.”

  A stupid urge to walk closer and stroke the contours of his face suspended my breath. Forcing myself to breathe again, I murmured, “You should’ve stuck around back there. I would’ve cleaned you up even if I don’t like you.” With my chin, I pointed toward his hands in his pockets.

  James’ eyes swiveled to the butterfly-bandaged bruise on my forehead. I’d forgotten it was even there. He frowned as he studied it. Was he remembering how Julia cared for me? Was he still jealous? A sharp dose of thrill arrowed straight down to my stomach.

  “I think you needed it more,” he said finally, with no inflection whatsoever.

  Tilting my head to the side, I pouted. “What’s that I see in your eyes, James? Are you jealous? Come on, Julia was just being Julia. Caring for me. Making me feel better. She is my girlfriend, you know. It’s her job. Come now, don’t be jealous.” Why was it so much fun riling him up?

  James shook his head, and his overgrown hair flopped down to his brows, making him appear boyish. There was nothing boyish about him, though. Not even a pinch. His gravelly voice broke the illusion of him ever being a boy. “I think you should see a doctor for that concussion you have.”

  I narrowed my eyes. Why wasn’t he reacting? His calmness was grating on my nerves. I straightened my spine and walked closer to him, taking one step at a time, my sneakers squelching on the water-soaked ground. Here the smell of the lake was strong, so strong that it masked James’ smell. I didn’t like it one bit.

  Coming to a stop before a wary-looking James, I murmured, “Only after you show me your damage.”

  I reached out and took both his hands out of his pockets. His knuckles were red and marked with a million tiny scratches. The boxing was taking a toll on his hands. The marks seemed like broken lines of destiny. A map to his pain, maybe even this big, dark secret of his. I was never good at geography. Who cared what direction was east? The sun would rise, anyway. But I wanted to study the map of his skin.

  I circled my fingers around his scabs. His chest shifted as I plucked at the tiny little curls of his skin. I looked into his eyes, and gray was slowly replaced with the darkness of arousal. He liked it. He liked the pain.

  “Where’s your wedding ring?” I asked, noting that his ring finger was naked.

  He stiffened as he tried to extract his hand from my grip, but I held fast. Not that I was a match against him, but he gave up when he understood I wasn’t going to let this go.

  “Wearing it didn’t seem right anymore. Not after…everything.”

  He didn’t look at me as he said it, shifting his eyes beyond my shoulders, toward something unknown. Shame was written all over his face, his hunched shoulders, and his pursed lips. She died because of me. It should’ve been me.

  “You like it, don’t you? The pain.” I deliberately scratched a reddened knuckle to gain his attention.

  He jerked his eyes back to me, still dark gray as steel. “More than I should.”

  I bit my lips, and he clenched his jaw at my provocative gesture. “It’s sick, James. Really, really sick. But I guess I knew that already. The way you beat the shit out of that punching bag is telling. And intense.”

  Our breaths were heavy and halting. We were so close that everything else seemed far away. Unreachable. I breathed deep, filling my lungs with his signature scent of wet earth and cut grass.

  James swallowed. “I’d never punched a man before this morning.”

  “Never?” I asked, shocked. “Not even in high school? No damsels to save? No one’s honor to protect?”

  He threw me a small albeit sad smile. “Apparently not.”

  “Huh. So along with your humor, I bring out the superhero complex, too? I’m totally floored.”

  “Don’t I need red underwear and a cape for that?”

  I chuckled again. “I think we can make it work as long as you wear them over your pants. So…”

  “So?” He smiled.

  “What color are they? Your underwear, I mean.”

  His chest jerked at my question. “I…It’s not—”

  “Fine, I’ll tell you mine. Pink. I’m wearing pink panties. Now your turn.” I laughed at his astonished expression. Jesus! He really didn’t know how to flirt, did he? Poor baby.

  “Pink doesn’t seem to be your color.”

  I shrugged. “I know. You got me. I’m not wearing any.” Obviously, I was. Though they were black cotton panties. He didn’t need to know that. Let him picture me in pink baby doll crap. It got men going. No exceptions.

  James tried to move away, but I gripped his hands tightly, raking my fingers over his bruised knuckles. His skin was hot to touch, as if it were pulsing from the inside. As if it knew my touch, the woman he’d thrown his first punch for.

  “You shouldn’t have wasted your first punch on a woman you claim you don’t even like. See, you’re drowning in your own lies, James. You do like me.”

  The shy, boyish version of James was gone, replaced by the barely controlled, dangerous version. It was as if a switch was triggered every time I said the word lie. It was his one weakness, this superhero’s Achilles’ heel. He flipped his hands and grabbed my wrists instead, pulling me closer to him, squeezing my tiny bones. I clenched my teeth against the sudden pain.

  His grip tightened. “Maybe I saved you because I wanted to hurt you myself.”

  The heat of the sun beat down on me, spreading over my skin, mixing with my blood, warming me from head to toe. Squeeze it harder. Make it hurt. The hurt was good, so good that a little more of it, and I’d get lost in it.

  Gathering myself, I said, “But a monster won’t save someone to begin with. Told ya, you’re human.” My thumb made its way to the juncture of his finger and palm, and I raked the delicate skin with my nail. James hissed, the first outward reaction on his part. I sighed with pleasure.

  “And you’re still a cat,” he whispered, his eyes sweeping down to my mouth, making my lips heavy and tingling, part of me that felt separate, needy, and dying to be touched. I wanted him to touch me, kiss me.

  Standing on my tip-toes, I moved closer, our lips separated with a thin slice of air, our chests almost touching. Kiss me, I wanted to say. Because nothing else mattered right then. I couldn’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t do this.

  But then he moved away, looking horrified. Running his hand through the careless mess of his hair, his eyes settled on the lake a bit too long before making their way up to me. They were colored with anger, not with the dark steel of arousal.

  Without a word, he walked away. I fisted my hand in angry disappointment.

  Fucking James.

  ****

  Julia and I never had guests over. She was too busy with work, and I was too busy with…you know, something. So playing hostess to Lily was weird for me. A little scary, too.

  Since Julia wasn’t home yet, I ordered pizza. We’d been home for an hour, taking turns showering, changing into PJs. Lily didn’t have any of her clothes with her, so I lent her mine. Well, the ones I got from thrift stores, the baggy ones that I never wore. I only bought them so I’d feel closer to Mom, the way she’d been in her last days, pregnant and tired. I’d deny it on the outside, but I did have a sentimental side.

  In the living room, I found Lily settled on the couch with a bowl of cereal on her belly as she flicked channels on TV. Unsure of what to do, I took the seat at the other end of the couch.

  “Hey, I helped myself to some cereal while you were in the shower. I hope you don’t mind,” she said, around the spoonful of said cereal.

  Shrugging, I said, “It’s fine.” It wasn’t my cereal anyway. I never touched that stuff.

  Lily shut off the TV and twi
sted in her seat to stare at me.

  “What?”

  “Tell me something.” She scooped her cereal, giving me an encouraging nod.

  “What something?”

  “Anything. Tell me about the boss lady.”

  I brought my legs up on the couch and wrapped my arms around the knees, all the while looking at her like she’d lost her mind. Maybe she had after what happened that morning.

  “What about her? There’s nothing to tell.”

  “Tell me how you guys met. Love at first sight?”

  “Did you hit your head too hard? What’s with the weird questions?”

  She laughed. “It’s not weird. I’m just making conversation. What else is there to do?”

  “I don’t know, watch TV maybe.”

  Lily shot her hand up, halting me from speaking further. Resting her other hand on her belly, she said in a grave voice, “Lindsey has spoken. She says we need to play a game.” Closing her eyes, she rubbed her hand on her swollen abdomen for a few seconds. “Oh, okay. She says we need to play truth or dare.”

  “I really don’t think Lindsey can talk from in there.”

  “Oh, shut up. She can talk. I hear her all the time. Now let’s play. How hard can it be? Let’s play till the food gets here.”

  “Fine.”

  “Perfect.” She drew closer to me. “You have played this game before, right?”

  “Yes. But getting high and making out used to be a lot more fun than spilling out truths.”

  “Are you coming on to me again? Is that why you invited me tonight.”

  “You wish.” I grinned. “But we can certainly do that if that’s what you want. Let the make-out begin.”

  Laughing and rolling her eyes, Lily adjusted herself on the couch, her small feet peeking beneath her large frame. “Okay. So first question, how did you guys meet and fall in love?”

  I sat back in my seat and faced her. “How come it’s my turn? And I didn’t even get to choose between truth and dare.”